Things we have in common
Apparently it's National Coming Out Day, and our organisation's LGBT group decided it would be a good idea for some members to share their 'coming out' stories. Names and certain details have been changed in my commentary here, for obvious reasons.
First up was Ron, who is gay and still a minister in the Methodist church. He realised he was gay long ago, when it was still deemed a criminal offence and something to be widely frowned upon. He came out around the age of thirty, to his friends, who accepted him for who he is. Before that, he was, understandably, terrified of coming out, though feels some guilt about not having done that sooner, because it would have given encouragement to others who were struggling.
And what did his church make of it? Well, apparently that community was no more or less accepting than society generally was. Attitudes change, and so does that of the Church, over time. I think an increasing number of peole are recognising that the framework of conservative values no longer has much utility, given we live in a world in which there's little to conserve. Conformity no longer works, and we can only accept people as they are, and to find somethinng that's common in all the diversity.
The next person to give his story was our games developer, Eddy. I've casually known him for over a decade, when we were both with another organisation. Eddy's story is that he's bisexual, and had problems fitting in when he was a pupil at an all-boy's school. He spoke of how boys who were suspected of being gay were assaulted and abused - of course, I can relate to that somewhat, having gotten into the occasional fight back in the day. He 'came out' while an undergraduate, studying in England, after finding an active LGBT community. Such a community, it would seem, goes a long way to alleviating the mental suffering and resolving some problems that come with being targetted for one's sexuality.
While working for a similar organisation that was once affiliated with ours, Eddy experienced hostility from the management because of his sexuality. None of them work for our organisation, he added, and the culture has come a very long way since. One valuable thing I've learned, through working for the organisation, is that it's entirely possible to have a society in which everyone is accepted for who they are, regardless of belief and identity. Getting there certainly wouldn't be easy, but it's possible.
Lastly, there was Crystal's story. She grew up in the Phillipines, in a Catholic family and a Catholic community. She told us of how that society was, prior to being invaded by the Spanish, entirely accepting of different sexualities and genders. After that, the Church came with its socially conservative ideas of how to develop the ideal society, and that demanded conformity in order to work. And maybe it did work for a while, for most people.
In such a society, being gay or transgender would affect one's relationship with family and community, even to the point of being ostracised. I've probably written here before of how I couldn't, post-pandemic, return to the community that was a huge part of my liife.
Of course, those who take the faith seriously will know of the consensus that being gay is a 'disordered' inclination to be overcome, and that being in a same-sex relationship is deemed a mortal sin, and there is an untenable and unhealthy expectation of us to forego intimate relationships in favour of a lifetime of celibacy. There are reasons for that doctrine, but it would require several essays to address them properly. In any case, I don't think many people care about the philosophies behind the Church's position on homosexuality, as much as the fact it exists.
These days I'm of the view that it's more important to discern what's right in the context of the realities of the world, and what the material consequences are, and that discernment should be informed by the Catholic faith. How could 'praying the gay away', for example, be preferable to a committed relationship that demands sacrifice and provides the opportunities to grow?
And the world will be so much better when everyone looks past ideology and belief to find what things we all have in common.